Jack Flash Fiction

The Reluctant Detective

2011-01-09T03:22:00.003-06:00

Vincent Chan was lying on the sofa just about to doze off when the buzzer alerted him to someone entering the outer office. He walked over to his desk and pressed the monitor to see who had entered. What he saw was a tall red headed Goddess looking directly up into the camera through owlish sunglasses. He pressed a button on the desk and a message was relayed requesting her to have a seat and somebody would be with her in a moment.
Vincent went over to the sofa and slipped his bare feet into a pair of Guy Maddin loafers. Picked up the pillow and placed it in the ornately carved chest in front of the Italian leather sofa. He entered his private washroom to tidy up before inviting the beauty inside. He was wearing a fashionable pair of Buffalo Jeans and a white western stlye shirt with pearlized snap buttons.
He smelled his pits, gargled and walked himself through a mist of Paco Rabanne on his way to the waiting room door
"Good afternoon my name is Vincent Chan; How may I help you?

"You don't look Chinese."

"That's just as well because I don't speak it either."

"I thought that with a name like Chan you would be Asian."

"My Father is Chinese but my mother is Afro-American. What you see and some of what's hidden comes from my mother's gene pool."

"What do you have from your father?"

"I'm good at math and I'm a sucker for a pretty lady, Please come in and sit down and tell me what brings you here."

She entered the inner office and sat at a Barcelona chair facing the desk and crossed her long shapely legs a la 'Sharon Stone' only with panties, Pink!

He tore his eyes away from her ample cleavage to discover that her own eyes were scanning the room. Thank God he had time to push his eyes back in their sockets and roll up his tongue before she noticed.

"Would you like a cup of tea or a glass of water?" He could offer her something stronger but that wouldn't look very professional and besides she might think he was some kind of lush looking for any excuse to have a drink before noon.

"Water will be fine. You have a very interesting office, sort of a living room slash office with a contemporary euro antique asian theme."

Vincent crossed over the the fridge behind the wet bar and took out two Evian waters and retrieved a highball glass from the bar sink, checking it first to make sure it was clean. I inherited most of it from my uncle. I expect that some of it is hundreds of years old. The sofa and the chair are my contribution to the decor." He handed her the water and the glass.
"I didn't get your name"

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me. My name is Blaise Parnell."

"May I ask you how you managed to find me and why out of all the snoops in this city did you show up at my door? The last time I checked there was only one small ad in the phone book sandwiched between two very large ads advertising professionals, modern equipment, comprehensive reporting with discreet customer service. How did Chuck e. Chan get you attention."

"It had bold letters and it sort glimmered, you know, stood out on the page. Didn't you say your name was Vincent?"

"Glimmered! I had to check the page three times before I found it when I looked. Chuck E. Chan is my late uncle he left me the business in his will along with a crap load of terms I had to agree to that I won't go into here."

"I get the feeling that you don't really want my business. Any business and I find that really odd."

"No, I can't turn away customers... that's one of the terms. I just don't go out of my way to attract them." Vincent wasn't about to tell her that his uncle left him a Fortune to be paid out in monthly installments as long as he maintained the business, didn't move and took care of his mystery guest hidden away in the closet behind the antique chinese screen.

"Well I'm afraid that I need to have someone that is committed and interested in helping me so I'll be leav..."

Vincent watched her as she froze halfway out of her chair and looked behind her.
"Is there someone else in the room? Are we being watched by someone or taped?"

"I assure you that there is not a living soul or a pixel to be found."

"I got the strange feeling that something passed through my body and gave me the most reassuring sense that I came to the right place and everything would be resolved."

Vincent gave a nervous look towards the closet. Damn she done it again he thought.
"Something passed through your body, you say."

"Yes and I know now that your the man for the job. I don't know why because 10 seconds ago I was ready to walk out of here. I'm going to write you a check for however much it takes to retain your exclusive services."

Vincent sighed and slumped back in his chair. "That won't be necessary. We can settle up later. What would you like me to do for you?"

Ms. Parnell retrieved a photo from her rather large bag. "Beau Brummel the 3rd has been kidnapped and I need you to negotiate the ransom. I can't go to the police."

She handed the photograph and ransom note across the desk to Vincent.

Vincent rubbed his eyes and cursed himself for answering the buzzer "I think you mean dog-napped. This a picture of a dog."

"Not just a dog. He's a Standard Poodle and he's a CHAMPION!"

Merry Christmas Milquetoast

2009-12-20T13:27:00.008-06:00

"What? What? Don't look at me like that! I'm leaving you. I'm off to Florida for a Tan and a chance at a real man."
Vera finished applying her 'Vibrant Fuschia' lipstick in front of the dresser mirror. She blotted her lips on a fresh kleenex that she retrieved from the black lacquer box, last years Christmas gift from Sam and ran a long enameled nail over her Jet black eyebrows. She stood and walked over to the full length mirrored doors and posed in front, running her hands up her waist and cupping her full breasts.
" Not bad for 45, Not bad at all; she muttered. Plenty of men out there that would still like a crack at getting this body in the sack. You needn't look so surprised you know. You dared me to leave. What was it exactly that you said? If you try to leave me, I'll kill you! Well....I'm waiting, It's now or never. She looked at his reflection in the mirror, His naked body stretched out on the disheveled bed, eyes staring at the ceiling in disbelief, a long thin boning knife sticking through his heart. I didn't think so."
She adjusted the cleavage of her dress, turned in her black Italian Heels and wheeled her designer luggage out the bedroom door. Have a very Merry Christmas she was heard to have said as she walked out of sight.

The Skeleton Key.

2009-09-07T19:19:00.007-05:00

Vincent Chan sat behind a very large Rosewood desk talking on the Phone. "Yes Mrs Lim it's all true your husbands having an affair with another man." he said exasperated by this exceedingly annoying woman. This was her, what? Hundredth call since he met with her to tell her that her husband was not having an affair with her best friend but with her best friend's husband. Rule #1... Never, Never, take cases from Dames. "What's that Mrs Lim? Yes, yes everyone has one or two skeletons in their closet. I promise you that all the files and videos pertaining to your case will be destroyed as soon as you pay the rest of your bill." He hung up the phone, opened the bottom drawer of his desk, took out a bottle of single malt and a glass, poured himself a large measure of golden solace, leaned back in his chair and said out loud, "Lady you have no idea what a skeleton in the closet is until you've seen mine."

Vincent leaned over and picked up the japanese puzzle box on top of his desk and with a series of precise sequential moves within the mosaic pattern of the box released the locking mechanism. He tilted the box depositing an antique brass key on to the dark green blotter pad in front of him. He sipped the smokey malt with it's hint of dried fruit and chocolate and reflected on how much his life had changed since the discovery of this key. How was he to know when he agreed to the terms of his uncles Will that he would become the guardian to a Skeleton hidden in the closet behind the elaborately carved screen across the room. Not just any skeleton but a magical one that in all likelihood is his own grandmother. He thought that he was inheriting his uncles detective agency and a hundred grand a year trust fund.

He thought he could sit on his ass and read his way through his uncles extensive collection of crime fiction... maybe even try to write one of his own. A hundred thou a year was more then enough to meet his needs. He didn't need to go out and look for business, all he had to do was to keep the agency open and never sell or abandon the agency. That was the agreement. Then he discovered the closet door behind the screen. The door was locked so he searched everywhere for the key only to find it hidden within a beautiful inlaid box with the picture of a Geisha on the top. Up until then his life was simple, uncomplicated. Once he opened the door and found the skeleton and the letter, his life was no longer his.

2009-07-11T10:40:00.006-05:00

Lassiter shouldered his way through a wall of cold air. The 'No Name Bar' was his second home and the booth at the back by the pay phones was his office. He took an early retirement from the police force after kneecapping a child molester he was in the process of arresting. Officially it went down as an accident and he was allowed to leave with a full pension and the accolades of his fellow officers. Chico spotted Lassiter enter through the blinding light and recognized him by his disheveled attire and his ever present grey Stetson hat.
"You have no messages" Chico said while pouring out a cup of coffee that was made at least four hours ago and only Lassiter would drink. "Does that mean your going to hang around here all day and be a royal pain in my ass." Chico took messages for Lassiter's Private Eye business because the flea-bag hotel that Lassiter called home refused to provide him with the courtesy.
Another reason that Chico offered him this indulgence was because Lassiter had changed his life. Instead of arresting him Lassiter had busted him in the mouth and took him to an all night diner for coffee and an almost fatherly talk about the long ugly road he was about to go down if he didn't change his ways. He was a three time visitor to the system and he knew that he would have served time if Lassiter had arrested him. For some strange reason, a reason that chico can't even fathom to this day he took Lassiter's advice and walked a different path. Under this cops hard rough exterior there was something that cared.

3WW The Wicked Sister

2009-06-18T12:54:00.012-05:00

Cali paced on 5" stiletto thigh high boots, back and forth before the naked man hand-cuffed hand and foot over a large padded cylinder that resembled a pommel horse. She wore a Nun's hat and Wimple that framed her handsome face. Green cat-eyes set in deep inky sockets and carmine lips that glistened over stark white teeth like blood on a porcelain sink. In her right hand she carried a long black riding crop that she snapped with a rhythmic pop between the click of her steel tipped heels on the concrete floor. she looked down at the pathetic lump of guilt before her, waiting for deliverence, for absolution. Three hail marys and a stoke of her lash. To think not so long ago he was her arresting officer and she was at his mercy.
"So Lassiter, we've been naughty and we want the Wicked Sister to punish you. Didn't anyone ever tell you that when you wallow with pigs, you should expect to get dirty? Of course they did, but that's not your problem is it? You problem is, it excites you. The more you mix and mingle with the under belly of this city the more it makes you feel alive and that's not how the good Sisters of St. Mary's brought you up. That's not the way a respected member of the community and Officer of the law should behave and now you want to be punished." she ran the riding crop up his inner thigh and stopped just below his ball sac.
"Your excited Lassiter. You are not here for pleasure but for penance and you will not feel the kiss of Cali's leather until you soften to the expectation of your upcoming pain."
Lassiter's skin felt like it was covered with millions of ants and his stomach was a quivering hill of antivity. He knew that she was just as excited as him. He knew that it was all about control with her and in the end she would lead him into temptation and he would sin again.

Scandal Down the Road.

2008-11-03T10:18:00.002-06:00

He knew she was trouble the moment he seen her climb down from Big Ed's Kenworth.
Big Ed had phoned him from Texas telling him he had a new Mama and he had better get the house cleaned before he got home and here she was coming up the drive wearing a pair of neon yellow Capri's that looked like they been sprayed on and a foam green camisole that was better suited for the bedroom.
Justin figured that she must be at least six feet tall seeing that she came up to big Ed's shoulder, him being Six foot six and all plus she wasn't wearing high heels just a pair green rubber beach sandals.

The pair of them came through the door giggling and laughing like a couple teenagers and stopped abruptly the moment they spotted Justin leaning up against the kitchen counter drinking a cup of coffee. "Justin say hello to Reba, your new Mama and I expect you to give her the respect due to her as my wife."
Big Ed must have picked up on the fact that he was less then happy at the news of his fathers getting hitched so soon after his mothers death.
"Oh, Hush big ED I'm sure we are going to get along just fine and threw out her hand; "Call me Rebel, everyone does!" Justin had to admit that Reba was a real beauty. Thick red hair that tumbled down her back in curls like water over river rock, dark green eyes, full red lips framing the whitest, straightest, teeth Justin had ever seen. There was so much of her to take in at one time, she wasn't pretty in a girlish sense but handsome in a worldly sort of way. He wondered what strip club Big Ed met her in and when because it's been less then a month since his mother passed away. Kind a short period of time for two people to meet and fall in lust with each other, even for someone as shallow as Big Ed
Justin reached out to shake her hand, stealing a glance at her large breasts bursting out of the camisole like two dolphins breaking the surface of a foam green sea.
Reba gave a sly smile and seized his hand. "Why, looky here, if he doesn't have the same big strong hands as his daddy!"
Justin got to see more of his stepmother over the next week due to Her well timed accidental exposures. "Goodness me I just can't get used to having two men in the house. I'm used to walking around naked a Jaybird."
He had taken to sleeping out in his car because of the noise the two of them made at night and the sweet smell of sweat and sex permeated the house and clung to his nostrils like sap on a tree. It was too much for a 17 year old to stand night after night. One thing was for sure, Rebel was more then a match with Big Ed in the sack. She always looked fresh as a daisy in the morning while his father looked like he went six rounds with a wildcat.
He was sitting behind the wheel early Sunday morning nursing the tail end of a joint when she came out of the back door and hip swayed her way to the passenger side door. She wore flimsy white silk robe with large pink and yellow orchids. He could tell she was wearing no clothes on underneath and he kept getting glimpses of her milk white thighs and the dark moist cleavage between her breasts. God how he hated her. He hated the bitch for destroying the piece and quiet of his home. The home that he was brought up in by his real mother. A home that was full of love and kindness of a mother who protected him from the drunken rages of his father.
He dreamt of stabbing this Rebel bitch over and over. She was always naked and when he awoke he was always aroused.
"Open the door honey, I want to talk to you"
Justin reached over and released the door lock and turned to confront her when she got in the car.
She got in and sat facing the front window so Justin could see her naked breast though the opening of her housecoat. She turned, crossed her legs, reached out and took the joint from Justin's hand and then proceeded to take a huge hit from the spliff and handed it back to him. "Christ that's good shit, you'll have to get mommy some of that, but don't tell Big Ed he doesn't approve. Beer and Whiskey are his poisons. I prefer weed, makes me horny as hell." She put her hand on his knee and looked into his eyes; "Honey I never meant to chase you out of your own house. I'm trying to convince your father to spend some money and fit out the basement into your own apartment with a lock on the door and everything...that's in case you don't trust me."
Her hand slid off his knee and up his thigh, her long red nails grazing his growing member causing him to jerk in his seat. She turned and got out of the car, leaned in with the same sly smile on her face she had when she caught him on the first Day looking at her breasts. "When your ready come in and have breakfast. I've whipped up some bacon and eggs, pancakes, toast and coffee. A growing boy like you needs to eat, besides after smoking all that weed you must be starving." she paused for a minute and added, "Your Daddy is heading out on the road again this afternoon. He'll be gone a week and he wants you to remain in the house while he's gone. He wants you to protect me, besides I hate being by myself." she turned and walked back to the house not needing to look back to know that he hungered for more then her breakfast.

Chester Loves Mae

2008-10-26T21:44:00.000-05:00

Karl Heinz sat with his size 12's up on an antique oak desk in the back room of Mystery Ink, a used bookstore he bought off his uncle Charles after he retired from the force. The bookstore dealt mainly in used Mystery and Suspense novels, but a few months back on the advise of his young helper, Leroy Brown he started to stock more Graphic novels and modern fantasy literature. True to leroy's word, he started to see an increase in young adults frequenting his store and a significant increase in sales. Not that he considered that to be a great thing because his main goal when purchasing the shop was to sit on his ass and read every novel in the place. He had more then enough money from his pensions to live on and only bought the business because it would give him something to do and along with the detective agency that he ran out of the back room serve as tax right offs. As far as he was concerned he had paid more then his fair share of taxes over the years.

He was debating with himself whether it was too early in the day to start drinking when the bell on the shop door announced that he had guests. He assumed it was one of his old cronies from homicide or leroy skipping school for the third time this week.

He reluctantly put his feet down and made to get up from his chair when Mae West walked through the glass bead curtain, fur stole and all.

"Pickle! Where have you been? You don't come around and see Mae anymore. Are you angry with her?"

Some wit whom he has long forgotten the name of, back when he was a Rookie cop started to call him 'Pickle'...being that his name was Heinz and all and it stuck with him for more then 30 years. Everyone called him Pickle even the perps like Chester Latour. Chester was a female impersonator over at 'The Gilded Cage', a Gay bar on west 49th.

"Well if it isn't 'Chester the Molester', How are they hanging or have you got them tied up between your legs under that dress?"

"Pickle...that's not nice, you know I didn't start that incident, I told you 'Give a man a free hand and he will try to put it all over you.' besides 'It takes two to get one into trouble.'

Chester did Mae West at the Cage. He knew all her famous one liners and to look at him/her on stage you would swear to God that Mae West had re-incarnated in front of you. "You look good Mae. How can I help you?"

"Shamus, do you still carry around a big pistol in your pants now that your not a cop? I need you to go around and discourage a former lover that just can't let go."

"And you want me to go there and threaten him with a gun?"

Who said anything about a gun, I just want you to take all those muscles over to his place and tell him to leave little ol' Mae alone. All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with other women. I'll pay the going rate or if you like maybe we can work something out. I used to be Snow White but I drifted."

"Sorry Angel but I'm as straight as an arrow."

"I'm no angel but I spread my wings a bit."

Ok! Ok! I give up leave me his address and I'll see if I can put a damper on his ardor. It will cost you 100 beans and that's all. No funny stuff. Go back to your cage and lay those lines on someone who cares. Why are you dressed up like Mae outside of work. Don't you like yourself?

"Your right Shamus, I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself."

"Yeah whatever! see in you the funny papers."

Ms West put the number of her jilted lover on his desk along with a crisp 100 and turned and worked her hips toward the curtain when she stopped looked over shoulder through her blond wig and said; "come up and see me sometime because when I'm good I'm very very good but when I'm bad I'm better" and walked through the glass bead curtain. "Don't forget to bring that big pistol when you come she shouted as she closed the door."

Karl reached down and opened the desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of 'Jack,' "No need for debate, it's definately time for a drink."