Karl Heinz sat with his size 12's up on an antique oak desk in the back room of Mystery Ink, a used bookstore he bought off his uncle Charles after he retired from the force. The bookstore dealt mainly in used Mystery and Suspense novels, but a few months back on the advise of his young helper, Leroy Brown he started to stock more Graphic novels and modern fantasy literature. True to leroy's word, he started to see an increase in young adults frequenting his store and a significant increase in sales. Not that he considered that to be a great thing because his main goal when purchasing the shop was to sit on his ass and read every novel in the place. He had more then enough money from his pensions to live on and only bought the business because it would give him something to do and along with the detective agency that he ran out of the back room serve as tax right offs. As far as he was concerned he had paid more then his fair share of taxes over the years.
He was debating with himself whether it was too early in the day to start drinking when the bell on the shop door announced that he had guests. He assumed it was one of his old cronies from homicide or leroy skipping school for the third time this week.
He reluctantly put his feet down and made to get up from his chair when Mae West walked through the glass bead curtain, fur stole and all.
"Pickle! Where have you been? You don't come around and see Mae anymore. Are you angry with her?"
Some wit whom he has long forgotten the name of, back when he was a Rookie cop started to call him 'Pickle'...being that his name was Heinz and all and it stuck with him for more then 30 years. Everyone called him Pickle even the perps like Chester Latour. Chester was a female impersonator over at 'The Gilded Cage', a Gay bar on west 49th.
"Well if it isn't 'Chester the Molester', How are they hanging or have you got them tied up between your legs under that dress?"
"Pickle...that's not nice, you know I didn't start that incident, I told you 'Give a man a free hand and he will try to put it all over you.' besides 'It takes two to get one into trouble.'
Chester did Mae West at the Cage. He knew all her famous one liners and to look at him/her on stage you would swear to God that Mae West had re-incarnated in front of you. "You look good Mae. How can I help you?"
"Shamus, do you still carry around a big pistol in your pants now that your not a cop? I need you to go around and discourage a former lover that just can't let go."
"And you want me to go there and threaten him with a gun?"
Who said anything about a gun, I just want you to take all those muscles over to his place and tell him to leave little ol' Mae alone. All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with other women. I'll pay the going rate or if you like maybe we can work something out. I used to be Snow White but I drifted."
"Sorry Angel but I'm as straight as an arrow."
"I'm no angel but I spread my wings a bit."
Ok! Ok! I give up leave me his address and I'll see if I can put a damper on his ardor. It will cost you 100 beans and that's all. No funny stuff. Go back to your cage and lay those lines on someone who cares. Why are you dressed up like Mae outside of work. Don't you like yourself?
"Your right Shamus, I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself."
"Yeah whatever! see in you the funny papers."
Ms West put the number of her jilted lover on his desk along with a crisp 100 and turned and worked her hips toward the curtain when she stopped looked over shoulder through her blond wig and said; "come up and see me sometime because when I'm good I'm very very good but when I'm bad I'm better" and walked through the glass bead curtain. "Don't forget to bring that big pistol when you come she shouted as she closed the door."
Karl reached down and opened the desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of 'Jack,' "No need for debate, it's definately time for a drink."
