Brad choked back a cough and held his breath as they approached the large Bison enclosure. "Damn these animals reek." he peeped, trying not to breathe too deeply.
Brittany held a hand in front of her mouth and peered through watery eyes at the peeling sign outside the pen. " It says they are Wood Bison and are endangered. Can we go now?" she said as she turned and hurried back along the path.
Brad turned and followed, pausing only to look inside the enclosure one more time. " Hey Brit, remember that movie we watched last week, The one where the Indian scout got down off his horse and put his ear to the ground trying to hear the hoof-beats so they could locate the herd. How many of those suckers are in this pen here. Ten? If ten smell like this what do you think ten thousand smelled like. You wouldn’t have to listen for them you could smell them from twenty miles away."
"You're not supposed to call them Indians anymore Brad, you have to refer to them as Aboriginals."
"The Duke called them Injuns."
" I beg your pardon, who?"
"The Duke…John Wayne. He called them Injuns in that movie."
"Maybe back then they didn’t know any better. It’s politically incorrect now."
"My point is they stink. The bison that is, not the other. We better head back it’s getting close to closing time." Brad caught up to her, bent down and gave her a peck on the cheek. "You gotta admit that coming here was way better then wondering around some stuffy mall. putting our name on bridal registry's. All this wedding planning is doing a number on my head."
Brittany entwined her arm within Brads. " Your right. We needed a break and it's nice to spend some time alone. This zoo has certainly deteriorated since I’ve been here as a child. The animals look lethargic and sad. The buildings and pens are in so much need of repair."
"Well I guess since they no longer have to hunt for their own food they become complacent, except for the monkeys. It’s all one big happy orgy with them, even dogs would be jealous."
A loud wail came out of nowhere and froze them in their tracks. It was like one of those old wartime air raid sirens followed by the voice of someone having a heart attack. If the intention was to keep everybody calm and collected it was failing miserably.
"Attention! Attention! Please go as quickly as possible to the nearest exit. The Siberian Tiger has escaped from his enclosure… Please don’t panic, just proceed to the nearest exit as quickly and as calmly as possible."
Brittany stopped walking and looked Brad in the eye; “where’s the nearest exit?” she said, arms flaying about and jumping up and down like she needed to pee.
"I don’t know, the one we came in is the only one I’m familiar with and that’s a good ten to fifteen minutes away."
"What do you mean you don’t know! You said that you’ve been here hundreds of times."
"I’ve been here about five times in my life and I have always used the same entrance. The one off the parking lot, but had I known that Tony the Tiger was going to break out I might of picked up a map, then again I probably would have turned around went home and hid under the bed....Where did we last see that mother with the pudgy little girl?”
Brittany looked incredulously at Brad and said, "Why would you want to know that?"
"If we hang with them, we could probably outrun them if the tiger shows up. The little girl might be irresistible…remember you said that she was so cute you could just eat her up."
Brittany's mouth fell open and she leaned over slightly with her hands raised beside her ears " I can’t believe you just said that."
"You’re the one that said that." " What about that little blond kid with the bleeding nose, The noise he was making would scare the hell out of anything, or the smell of the blood would be like catnip to the tiger."
Brittany squinted her eyes and contorted her mouth like she was having the mother of all migraines. "Brad, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you suggesting we hang around innocent children in order to save ourselves? I’m beginning to wonder if I know you at all."
"Babe, I’m not exactly Alley Oop. Do you see a big club in my hand or animal skins hanging from my body? I have to use my brain. It’s the law of the jungle; only the fittest survive. That’s it! That's it! Where did we last see that old lady in the wheelchair? The big cats in the wild take down the weakest in the herd; it’s all part of the law of natural selection thingy."
"Okay then...Brad I’m going to have to give some serious thought to that selection thingy if we get out of here alive, now run like hell for the gate."
"Hey, no fair. You run marathons, I can’t keep up! "
"I know."
